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Is this good copy? True Coolness Is Found In Jesus

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Mariowalker904
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Is this good copy? True Coolness Is Found In Jesus

Post by Mariowalker904 »

Disclaimer:I'm a just getting into copy-writing. I'm using my Christian Poetry Book as an testing ground to see if I have what it takes to be a copywriter. Don't feel like I'm trying to sell you something.

My generation struggles with insecurity. The world expects you to have your life all figured out by age 22.

My name is Mario Walker. I like many young adults struggle with insecurity. I sometimes don't feel like I'm not good enough. Like most people I get anxious about making money. This past Thanksgiving my Godmother was scolding me about my finances. I was so depressed that day I didn't feel like eating. Since my mom died I felt this pressure to have my stuff together. For years I tried to prove to my family I can take care of myself but often fell short. I don't always feel cool (meaning self-confident). I oftentimes feel like a dork but in Christ I'm made cool.

Learning how to put my identity in Christ is a constant struggle for me because of what I mentioned earlier. The world will try to bring you down if you don't live by it's standards hence why I wrote a book titled True Coolness. True Coolness is a series of poems that aims to help people be secure in Christ. No matter what problems you face in life you can always find security in Jesus. The book is available on payhip.com/mariowalker132 for $10 print and $5 ebook.


What are you waiting for? Go buy my book True Coolness today for $10 print and $5 ebook at payhip.com/mariowalker132. True Coolness Is Holiness.
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SARubin
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Re: Is this good copy? True Coolness Is Found In Jesus

Post by SARubin »

Hey Mario,
Welcome to the show...

I see where you're going with this copy, and it's a decent first draft / brain dump (a brain dump is what I call it when we dump all our ideas on the page, so we can go back later to clean it up and edit it).

What you have here is the raw skeleton of a good story. But it's a bit choppy in its presentation.


Of course the first key to all winning copy depends on the target audience who will see it. Because even weak copy to the right audience will out perform great copy to the wrong audience. Every time.

And you know your target market better than I do, Mario, so all I can do is bounce a couple ideas off the screen and you can take it for whatever it's worth to you?

Think of it as collaboration. I'm just gonna rearranging some of what you already wrote, and put it into a bit more of a story.
And if my words inspire you to write your copy with a bit more flow and passion, then feel free to thank me. (and if I'm overstepping my boundries with my input, then feel free to tell me to piss off. Either way, it's your call ;) )...


For starters, all good copy needs an attention grabbing headline.

It doesn't need to be full of hype, or scream "THE AMAZING SECRET DISCOVERY THAT SHOWS YOU HOW TO BE PERFECT"

But it should be a headline that calls out your target audience, and something they can instantly relate to.

The headline is most important part of our copy because if our headline doesn't stop people in their tracks, and pull them into our copy, then it doesn't matter what else we write because nobody will stick around long enough to read it.

Right now your headline says "True Coolness Is Found In Jesus". If you have a strong social media following, with lots of people who already love you, then this headline might sell a few books. But if this copy is going to be seen by people who don't know you yet, then your headline needs a bit more impact if you want it to grab peoples attention.


So who are you trying to relate to?

Possibly young people who feel insecure and alone in this world?

If yes, then a confession type headline could be worth testing. Something like...


"At 22 Years old I was insecure, felt alone in the world, and was ready to end it all"


OK, that might not be a great headline, but anyone who's ever felt that way (which is practically everyone in the world at one time or another) will at least be able to relate. And most people will want to know what happens next. (and that's the whole point)

Then you can begin to tell your story.

Based on the direction of your body copy I'd say we could be looking at a classic "Heroes Journey" type of story. So let's start with an introduction...


My name is Mario Walker. And like many young adults I struggle with insecurity, and I sometimes don't feel like I'm good enough to make it in this world.

I know I'm not the only one. In fact it seems like my whole generation struggles with insecurity. That's because the world expects us to have our life all figured out by age 22.

Since my mom died, I felt this intense pressure to prove to the world that I have my stuff together. And for years I tried to prove to my family I can take care of myself.

Of course I often fell short. And even when I succeeded I felt like I should have done better.

The worst day was this past Thanksgiving when my Godmother was scolding me about my finances. Like most people I get anxious about making money, and getting berated by a caregiver left me feeling so depressed that day I didn't feel like eating.

Can you imagine? The one holiday that's made for eating food, and I was left with zero appetite.

That was the day I hit rock bottom!



Then you can go into the part about how you found refuge in Jesus, and how it inspired you to write a book of poems to help others with similar feelings find their way towards coolness and self esteem.


Anyway Mario, that's what one of my brain dumps look like. It can use a bit of cleaning up, but hopefully somewhere in there you can find an idea or two you can borrow for your own copy.

Let me know what you think...

All the best,
Steve
A good marketer knows how to think like a marketer - A great marketer learns how to think like the customer...
SARubin - Direct Response Copywriter / Conversion Flow Specialist
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Franklin
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Re: Is this good copy? True Coolness Is Found In Jesus

Post by Franklin »

Mariowalker904 wrote: Tue Jan 19, 2021 7:45 pm Disclaimer:I'm a just getting into copy-writing. I'm using my Christian Poetry Book as an testing ground to see if I have what it takes to be a copywriter.
Copywriting is a skill you can learn.
Having a strong desire means you already have the ability inside you that's trying to come out.

That doesn't mean it will be easy, but if you want it bad enough and you're willing to stick with it, eventually you'll get there.
Choose your words wisely because what you say is not always what the other person hears
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Mariowalker904
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Re: Is this good copy? True Coolness Is Found In Jesus

Post by Mariowalker904 »

Thanks, I really want to excell in copywriting. I believe I can help so many people with this skill. Even though I want to make money from it, I really want to also use it as a way to encourage others.
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Re: Is this good copy? True Coolness Is Found In Jesus

Post by Mariowalker904 »

Here's a revamp of what I posted earlier.

The Headline is: In 2020 I was broke and insecure but then I found hope

My name is Mario Walker. And like many young adults struggle with insecurity, and sometimes don't feel like I'm not good enough to make it in this world. I know I'm not the only one. In fact, it seems like my whole generation struggles with insecurity. That's because the world expects to have our lives all figured out by age 22.

Since my mom died in August of 2019, I felt this intense pressure to prove to the world I had my stuff together. And for years I tried to prove to my family I can take care of myself. Of course, I often fell short. And even when I succeeded I felt I could have done better. The worst day for me was this past Thanksgiving when my Godmother was scolding me about my finances. Like most people, I get anxious about money, and being berated by a close family member left me so depressed that day I didn't feel like eating. Can you imagine? The one day that's made for eating food, and I was left with zero appetite. That was the day I hit rock bottom!

I thought I failed God. I wasn't frugal with my fiances and I was unemployed. God showed me this past holiday season that He will take care of me no matter as long as I put Him first. I originally published True Coolness in October of 2020 but it never took off. I originally made True Coolness as a book aimed at Christian Teenagers but after hitting rock bottom late last year I decided to revamp it. Instead of focusing on Christian teens, I decided to aim for insecure Christians in general. Insecurity comes at all ages and in all phases of life. No matter what problems you face in life, you can always find security in Jesus. The book is available on payhip.com/mariowalker132 for $10 print and $5 ebook.



What are you waiting for? Go buy my book True Coolness today. True Coolness Is Holiness.
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SARubin
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Re: Is this good copy? True Coolness Is Found In Jesus

Post by SARubin »

Hi Mario,

It's looking better.

Now the next step in any good writing is to go back and edit what we've written.

This is where we walk away from it, and let it sit for a day or two. Then we can come back and look at it with a fresh set of eyes.

What we're looking for is any words we can delete, or any awkward sentences we can rewrite to tighten up the copy.

Sometimes it's nearly perfect just the way it is, but 95% of the time there's something we can cut out that will make the copy flow better. And make it more powerful.

I don't think I've ever written anything that couldn't be tightened up with a bit of editing. Even to this day I can look at stuff I wrote years ago and still spot edits that could make the writing stronger.
Of course I'm not going back to edit everything now, because it could take forever, but I usually edit all my writing at least a couple times. (and then at some point we just have to put it out there, and move on)


Quick example in your copy: In this first sentence you wrote

"sometimes don't feel like I'm not good enough to make it in this world"

That double negative (don't - not) is a little awkward. A quick edit could make it...

sometimes I don't feel like I'm good enough to make it in this world

or

sometimes I feel like I'm not good enough to make it in this world


It's a quick edit that smooths out the flow of the sentence and removes the awkward speed bump.


Let me ask you a question Mario...
Have you determined what type of writing you’re moving towards? Are you more interested in content writing, or sales copy?

Copywriting (sales copy) is not really the same thing as content writing.

Of course both copywriters and content writers serve many of the same clients, and the crossover between the two is fairly obvious (the whole "writing thing" ) but generally speaking there's a couple major differences between the two…

Content writers create blog posts, articles, stories, white papers and the like, with a primary purpose of engaging visitors with useful and informative (or sometimes just clever) content.

On the other hand… Copywriters write the words in marketing materials with the main purpose of getting visitors to take action, or buy something.

So which one are you leaning towards as a beginning?
A good marketer knows how to think like a marketer - A great marketer learns how to think like the customer...
SARubin - Direct Response Copywriter / Conversion Flow Specialist
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Mariowalker904
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Re: Is this good copy? True Coolness Is Found In Jesus

Post by Mariowalker904 »

Copywriting
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Franklin
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Re: Is this good copy? True Coolness Is Found In Jesus

Post by Franklin »

If you want to be a great copywriter the first thing you need to learn is sales.

"Advertising is salesmanship in print"
John E. Kennedy - World class 20th century copywriter
Choose your words wisely because what you say is not always what the other person hears
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