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looking for feedback

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oumaima5
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Joined: July 13th, 2021, 8:31 pm

looking for feedback

Post by oumaima5 »

Hi everyone
I'm a beginner and this is my first copy (headline)
I really need you to give me a feedback

A natural Lipstick for A natural girl


Do you know that 77/ of the girls failed to look for a perfect affordable lipstick?
Well, our website offers 30 types of natural lipstick with different colors and FACE SHOP is one of our collection
Its liquid formulation and rose pink shade will give you the power, the beauty and comfort, ALSO it’s very easy to clean.
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SARubin
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Joined: January 12th, 2019, 8:00 am
Location: USA
Tagline: Spinning Words Into Gold
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Re: looking for feedback

Post by SARubin »

Hi oumaima,

It has potential.

The headline is OK, although it looks more like a catch-phrase or tagline. But in front of the right audience it could attract interest.

As for the rest of it... Well, a first try rarely ever comes out great.


Before I give you any feedback let's start at the beginning...

Where this copy is going to be seen. And who are you targeting?

Is this an advertisement bringing people to a website that sells lipstick?

Or is it the copy on a website trying to make the sale?

Or is this just practice for you?


If you let me know the purpose of this copy I'll be happy to help you make it better.

oumaima5 wrote: July 25th, 2021, 7:33 pm Hi everyone
I'm a beginner and this is my first copy (headline)
I really need you to give me a feedback

A natural Lipstick for A natural girl


Do you know that 77/ of the girls failed to look for a perfect affordable lipstick?
Well, our website offers 30 types of natural lipstick with different colors and FACE SHOP is one of our collection
Its liquid formulation and rose pink shade will give you the power, the beauty and comfort, ALSO it’s very easy to clean.
A good marketer knows how to think like a marketer - A great marketer learns how to think like the customer...
SARubin - Direct Response Copywriter / Conversion Flow Specialist
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oumaima5
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Posts: 4
Joined: July 13th, 2021, 8:31 pm

Re: looking for feedback

Post by oumaima5 »

Thank you for your quick answer..
I'm just rewriting advertisements in order to practice
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SARubin
Copywriter
Posts: 368
Joined: January 12th, 2019, 8:00 am
Location: USA
Tagline: Spinning Words Into Gold
Contact:

Re: looking for feedback

Post by SARubin »

oumaima5 wrote: July 26th, 2021, 2:27 pm Thank you for your quick answer..
I'm just rewriting advertisements in order to practice
Hi oumaima,
Sorry it took me so long to get back to you. I got called out of town for a couple days and just got back.

Since this is just for practice, the first thing I recommend is you start by taking 2 or 3 winning, proven to convert, pieces of copy and write the headline and opening lede (first paragraph or two) by hand. Write each one at least 10 times each.

You don't need to write the entire sales letter at first, just the opening lede. And don't try to change them yet. Just write them out exactly as they are.


The benefit to this exercise is it can help you get a first hand feel for writing a good piece of sales copy.

You'll begin to see how the copy flows from the headline to the body copy. And by writing them out you'll begin to feel how the words flow to create a smooth transition.

This is a simple little exercise that can help you understand the structure and flow of a good opening lede through a sort of physical, and psychological osmosis.


After you've written them out exactly as they are (10 times each), then you can go back and try to re-write them in your own voice.
But first we just want to install the eye to hand coordination for the opening structure of a good piece of copy.


After you've done this exercise, try rewriting your lipstick ad again and compare it to the one you wrote above. It should start to flow better for you.

Then you can come back here and post your new version and we can talk about things like power words, and editing, and market research (which is the real secret to winning copy).
A good marketer knows how to think like a marketer - A great marketer learns how to think like the customer...
SARubin - Direct Response Copywriter / Conversion Flow Specialist
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oumaima5
Newbie
Posts: 4
Joined: July 13th, 2021, 8:31 pm

Re: looking for feedback

Post by oumaima5 »

Thank you so much for your help,I will take your advice.
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