From: Robert Miller <robert@fastbi zsolutions.online>
I Would like an estimate, I Just have a question, I am doing the work myself and just need a little help, I messed something up and need you to come fix it, Other
Could your business use some Working Capital?
Are you frustrated at how long it takes a bank just to tell you NO!
We APPROVE over 95% of all Businesses rgardless of
Credit or Collateral.
Our loans are based on your companies revenue, and loans approved today can be funded tomorrow.
Just visit our site to INSTANTLY see how much you qualify for www .fastbizsolutions .online
This e-mail was sent from a contact form on Steven Rubin Painting
When I read the "message body" section I thought the offer looked pretty good.
It opens with a simple qualifying question. Then touches on a common frustration for many business owners (business owners who are looking for a bank loan). And finally it offers a quick solution.
All in all... not too bad for a cold email.
But here's the fatal flaw with this email...
It was sent through a contact form on a website.
Also, it's obviously from an automated bot, as evident in the "Inquiry Regarding" section where every checkbox was ticked.
Now in all honesty I have no idea if this cold email is working for this guy, or not. But my best guess would be...Not.
Because good copy is only part of the equation. A bigger part is "who" you contact, "how" you contact them, and "when" you contact them.
And a message from a contact form that's supposed to be used for potential clients contacting me, is not the place for you to make a sales pitch to me.
Even if I might be interested in your offer, I'm sure as hell not responding to you now.
Anyway, I think we can all learn something from the good copy structure in this email... and I think we can also learn something from the poor delivery...