Direct mail piece from local insurance guy

[SARubin]

I posted this first piece on another forum I sometimes visit, and it received some replies from other members. So I figured you guys might like to see it also?

Note: Google might see this as duplicate content because I already posted it elsewhere? But screw google. It’s my original post and you guys deserve to see it whether google likes it, or not.

Anyway…


Today we’re looking at a direct mail piece I got, from a local insurance guy.

No, I didn’t write it. And I’m not affiliated with the guy in any way.

But I’ve gotten this same letter every couple months, for more than a year now. Which leads me to believe it’s a responsive control piece.

(for the new writers here, a “control piece” basically means it’s getting a good enough response rate, to make it worth mailing, over and over again)

I blocked out the contact info, just for privacy sake. But the rest of the letter is intact.
Anyway, here it is…

So what do you think my fellow copywriters?

What parts are strong?
What parts are weak?
What would you leave?
What would you tweak?

(hmmm… I think I just channeled my inner Dr. Seuss with that last part )



I spent a few minutes this morning (the time it took to drink my first cup of coffee) dissecting the piece, and picking out what I think are some of the good parts… and some of the not so good parts.

I’m sure I missed some stuff, but here’s what I came up with…

(The notes in green are good…The notes in red are not so good.)

So what do you think…?

[smittycity]

New to the forum and loving this breakdown.

I am an insurance agent myself and have used a lot of direct mail in the past. Before this pandemic it was my main source to get clients. Direct mail has worked very well for me in the past but have only relied on the mail-houses to use pieces they have tested in the past. I have always assumed they could be better but since it wasn't broke I never tried to fix it.

Main reason I am trying to learn copywriting is I have moved to selling over the phone and need to learn how to do this digitally instead of by mail. Mail is too expensive if not done face to face. The intent of someone responding to the Business Reply Cards is very high if you think about it because they have to find a pen, fill out info, walk to mailbox and put it in.

It is great to see professionals like you break it down. Thanks!

[SARubin]

Hey smittycity,

Welcome to the forum. Happy to have you here.

Yeah, direct mail has always been good to me too. But you're right, it can be expensive compared to digital delivery.

On the other hand, with the digital space being so cluttered these days, the right direct mail piece to the right list can be one way to separate our offer from the advertising white-noise of the digital world.

Have you ever tried using "lumpy" mail with any of your offers? (when we put something bulky in the mailer to make people curious enough to open it)

That's one thing we can't do in the digital world (at least not yet )

[Franklin]

Have you ever tried using "lumpy" mail with any of your offers? (when we put something bulky in the mailer to make people curious enough to open it)

That's one thing we can't do in the digital world (at least not yet )

Whenever I get lumpy mail I always open it. It's like a box of CrackerJacks with a toy surprise inside.

Maybe someday soon we can teleport 3D objects through email

[smittycity]

Not tried “lumpy” mail yet but great idea. Just need to be a little different than others and get the package opened!