Unlock The Powerful Secrets of Persuasive Copywriting

Direct mail is not dead – But this offer should be killed

Dissect & discuss great (and not so great) copywriting examples
Post Reply
User avatar
Posts: 348
Joined: January 12th, 2019, 8:00 am
Location: USA
Tagline: Spinning Words Into Gold

Direct mail is not dead – But this offer should be killed

Post by SARubin »

Here’s a direct mail piece I recently got from citibank.

It’s a simple offer asking me to open a new high yield savings bank account.

As I sit here reading this letter I can’t help but feel a little insulted. Maybe I’m just too cynical? But something about this offer doesn’t sit right with me.

Now don’t get me wrong, the benefit laden copy isn’t too bad. But the offer itself looks like nothing more than a vague fluff piece designed to trick people.

Let me break down where the trust factor really goes south with this offer. And then you can decide if I’m not being jaded.

Here’s the screenshot of the sales letter…


Like I said, the copy doesn’t suck. A bit vague and fluffy, but at least it follows some basic principles of a one page lead gen piece.

But what triggers my bullshit alarm is how the big bold print gleams with an impressive 9X the national average interest rate. Which looks impressive on the surface, yet nowhere on the page does it tell us what that interest rate actually is. Not even in the fine print on the back.

Was it an oversight on their part, or a seed of deception?

Look I get it, they want me to visit their website and enter their funnel. And being a marketing guy myself I can respect that.

So I visited the website and found out the current interest rate for this offer is a whopping 0.7% interest.

And the first thought that popped into my mind at that moment…?

How come when you offer me seven tenths of one percent interest on my money, you call it “HIGH YIELD” – but when you charge me 16% interest on a credit card, you call it a “LOW” interest rate?
Do you think your market is too stupid to do basic math, and figure out how one sided it is to do business with you?

And that’s when I started to feel a little more insulted, for all of us. So I left the website and went about my day.

And why am I posting this little rant here today?

Well, I guess I’m just holding this letter up as an example of how even good copy won’t compensate for a crappy offer…
A good marketer knows how to think like a marketer - A great marketer learns how to think like the customer...
SARubin - Direct Response Copywriter / Conversion Flow Specialist
Post Reply