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Suitable cold email?

Want some feedback on your copy? Then post it here (who knows... you just might get some good advice)
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TheCopyCat
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Suitable cold email?

Post by TheCopyCat »

Dear _____,

I've long been an admirer of your business and as a resident of ____ myself, I know how important it is for the _____ economy for our local shops to thrive.

Your website hosts a very admirable range of products - I find your _____ particularly attractive. But have you considered that your current sales copy might be doing you a disservice? The pictures you display are very attractive, but I have noticed a few areas where there's room for innovation.

I've taken the liberty of writing two lead samples for your website, completely free of charge, that will boost your sales and increase site readership.

Please contact me if you would like more information and I will be happy to forward you the link. 

Yours faithfully,
I've decided to try emailing a few local businesses whose websites I've noticed leave a lot to be desired. This is my working draft so far, but now I'm getting cold feet and second-guessing (which is fatal in this line of work, I know). I'm trying to sound confident in my abilities and politely critical of their current web pages without being pushy - or, hopefully, rude. But now, I don't know...

Please could you let me know if I'm striking the right balance here? :)
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Wordsmith
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Re: Suitable cold email?

Post by Wordsmith »

Hello TCC,

Don't sweat it. Test the marketplace. Put your message out there.

The only way you're going to know for sure how effective your copy is, you've got to send it.

Then measure your open, clickthrough, and responses.

You need no one's permission.

Just Do It!
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SARubin
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Re: Suitable cold email?

Post by SARubin »

Hey Chris, welcome back.

So you're ready to send out your first cold email? What an exciting time for you!

Those jitters you feel are perfectly normal.
It's not easy to sell our own services, because separating our ego from the product is nearly impossible. And any rejection of our offer can feel like personal rejection

But confidence comes from the memories of past successes.

None of us learned to walk without falling on our butt a few times. If you stick with it, and never stop learning (and improving), success will get closer to you every day.

I believe it was Einstein who said "to overcome fear we must first face the fear".

And I'll add to that - The best way to warm up cold feet is to start moving them.

TheCopyCat wrote: June 21st, 2021, 7:46 pmI've decided to try emailing a few local businesses whose websites I've noticed leave a lot to be desired. This is my working draft so far, but now I'm getting cold feet and second-guessing (which is fatal in this line of work, I know). I'm trying to sound confident in my abilities and politely critical of their current web pages without being pushy - or, hopefully, rude. But now, I don't know...

Please could you let me know if I'm striking the right balance here? :)

As for your email itself...

Since I don't know the people you're sending this email to, and I don't know the personalities or culture of your local business owners, I can only offer you generic advice... (Business owners in a large city usually require a more hard hitting approach than business owners in a country setting).

So my suggestions below are only to help you advance the flow of the email copy you posted here...


You start out by complimenting the business owner. And then you show that you actually know who they are and what they do. That's a good way to build rapport right out of the gate.

So far so good...

You follow with another compliment and then you counter with a "but, it could be better".

Nice transition, good job...


One thing I definitely recommend is letting them know who you are and what you do (see my comment below, in blue)

And I would also split test a different call to action in the last sentence (see comment below)

Maybe just put a link to the page on your website with the custom samples you made for them.

Then you can personalize the sales copy right on the page, to build more rapport and continue the sale. Maybe include an email capture form to follow up with anyone interested enough to visit the page.

This way you're thinking more in terms of campaigns instead of just one piece of copy.

And worst case scenario, even if nobody responds you'll still have some spec copy in your portfolio to show to other clients.
Dear _____,

I've long been an admirer of your business and as a resident of ____ myself, I know how important it is for the _____ economy for our local shops to thrive.

Your website hosts a very admirable range of products - I find your _____ particularly attractive. But have you considered that your current sales copy might be doing you a disservice? The pictures you display are very attractive, but I have noticed a few areas where there's room for innovation.

My name is Chris Matthews and I'm a professional Copywriter living right here in [local geographic location]

What I do is take average product descriptions, sales pages, and emails - And i turn them into cash generating sales copy for your business.


I've taken the liberty of writing two lead samples for your website, completely free of charge, that will boost your sales and increase site readership.

Please contact me if you would like more information and I will be happy to forward you the link. < make it easier for them to see the samples. They don't know you yet and you're asking them to do a lot of work on faith. A direct link to the sample page makes it easier for them to immediately find out what you can do for them. And the sample page can have more copy on it to advance the sale.>

Yours faithfully,


And I agree with Wordsmith 100%
Don't sweat it. Test the marketplace. Put your message out there.

The only way you're going to know for sure how effective your copy is, you've got to send it.

Then measure your open, clickthrough, and responses.
If you believe your tone fits your market then I highly recommend sending your email to a dozen or so business owners, and see if you get a response.

If you get a response... great.

If you don't... then we just need to research the market more and test a different tone or a different offer for the next email.

Whether you receive a response, or just receive a learning experience.

Either way it's a win for you.


Good or bad... I'm looking forward to seeing you share the results of your first email campaign with us.

All the best,
Steve
A good marketer knows how to think like a marketer - A great marketer learns how to think like the customer...
SARubin - Direct Response Copywriter / Conversion Flow Specialist
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TheCopyCat
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Re: Suitable cold email?

Post by TheCopyCat »

Thanks, Steve and Wordsmith, that's great advice =)

I wasn't sure about posting an actual link to a copy sample as one of the courses I've taken recommended simply firing out as many emails as possible to as many businesses as possible - and then if you got a positive response to see the work, then actually do it and write them the samples. It sounded like a cowboy move though; and I suppose the lazy man's approach never works in the long run. (It was by a copywriter called Len Smith, I don't know if you're familiar with his work?)

But your adjustments are certainly useful and I shall get buzzing in my beehive :D
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SARubin
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Re: Suitable cold email?

Post by SARubin »

Never heard of Len Smith before today, but I just googled him and I kinda like the guy. He's old school like me.

But we do have different methods...
TheCopyCat wrote: June 22nd, 2021, 8:28 pm one of the courses I've taken recommended simply firing out as many emails as possible to as many businesses as possible - and then if you got a positive response to see the work, then actually do it and write them the samples.
That is one way to do it. Just by the law of averages, if you play the numbers you'll get some response.

But what kind of responses will you get?

Hard telling - not knowing.


I prefer a more guided approach. Which involves researching the target market a little deeper and being more selective about who we reach out to.

To me, lead generation has 2 purposes...

One is to attract, and interest the right clients for your business.

And the other is to repel, or at least NOT attract the wrong people you either can't help or simply don't want to work with.


Both methods (mine and Lens) yield results. One hits bigger numbers and the other is more focused.


Decide which method you feel more comfortable with and then don't over think it too much... just test it and see how it works, and how it feels.

The most important thing I hope you got from both my, and Wordsmith's reply is - Experience is your best teacher.



You're a good writer, Chris. Confidence will come. It's time to pick a business, send out your email, and let's see what happens.

If you share the results we'll take a look. And we can take it from there.

All the best,
Steve
A good marketer knows how to think like a marketer - A great marketer learns how to think like the customer...
SARubin - Direct Response Copywriter / Conversion Flow Specialist
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Franklin
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Re: Suitable cold email?

Post by Franklin »

I agree with the others.
Go for it!!!

The best experience is real experience, and one idea acted upon is worth more than 100 ideas that never see the light of day.

What's the worst thing that can happen? Nobody replies and you get to try again. :(

What's the best thing that can happen? Someone does reply and you get your first client. :D
Choose your words wisely because what you say is not always what the other person hears
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