Copywriters Forum

londonprince wrote: ↑April 22nd, 2021, 4:52 pm Hello Guys, this is my advertorial I crafted as a sample to add to my portfolio.

I have images of the targeted audience that look alike but will only post the text.

I would like your honest review thanks.


........................................
Headlines:

1.Newly Discovered Compression Wrap Stopped My Knee Pain
2.Kiss Knee Pain goodbye with Magic Copper Knee Wrap



The Mri scan showed my worst nightmare, the cartilages in my knees have worn away. I was terrified I wouldn’t be able to cycle again.
Since I turned 65, my health condition got worse. It all started with a sharp moving pain in my left knee when cycling the London 2 Brighton challenge with my son and three grandkids.


Then three weeks later I started to get pain in both knees especially after cycling in the mornings. The pain got so bad that sometimes I struggled to get out of bed and make breakfast.
But thanks to my granddaughter Alice who bought me a pair of Copper Knee Compression Wrap, I am now back doing my daily 90 minutes cycling around my local city. My knees feel like when I was 37 again.

When the pain was severe I was feeling useless not being able to spend quality time with my son and grandkids. The thought of selling my home and buying a bungalow even came to my mind or if worse to come to move into a care home.

{Image of a middle-aged guy in blue cycling suit standing next to his bicycle.}

Peter is now back cycling 15 miles per and is full of energy


Within 2 weeks of wearing the Copper Knee Compression Wrap, I got a hope in life. Last summer I could hardly walk, I rarely leave my home and I was becoming bed-bound. The worst thing was being in no state to look after my grandkids. But now I feel like 37 again and am back doing my daily cycling, gardening and hiking with my son and grandkids.

I must admit when my granddaughter gave me the Copper Knee Compression Wrap and told me they are likely to stop my knee pain, I thought she was out of it - how could a simple compression wrap stop my knee pain?
I tried physiotherapy, multiples painkillers, acupuncture, topical creams, pain killers and nothing gave me long term relief. I am so glad to give these Copper Knee Compression Wrap a try - they have given me my life back.

To order a 30-day trial, freephone 0800-3333-3333. Quote offer LOOOL for introductory discount 0f £45.95 + P&P. Or if you order 2 pairs you get a 3rd FREE.



Review by Lucy



Lucy has been suffering from knee pains for over 7 9 years. “ I had a weight problem for as long as I can remember and this put pressure on my knees”
“Even after short walks my knee would ache up so bad I relied on taking Uber everywhere, even to my granddaughter who lives 13mins walk away.
“Then I was referred the Copper Knee Compression Wrap by my church sister, who was in a similar situation as me who found that they helped her to be more active and as result lost overweight.
“I ordered a pair without hesitation, The comfort was instantly noticeable and I was able to do my daily walks with the dog.
After 8 weeks am now walking 1-2km a day, I can’t believe it, I have no more footpain and I’ve lost over 15kg.

“These Copper Knee Compression Wrap have given me my life back”

Lucy Connolly






Short Review


I am impressed! I feel healthier and fitter.

“I have worn Copper Knee Compression Wrap for 6 months, I am not sure how it works but I definitely feel much healthier. There’s no Knee pain holding me back to do the activities I love. I always prefer natural alternatives to surgery or taking pills. So I was intrigued to read about Copper Knee Compression Wrap. I have been wearing them for 6 months now and I feels healthier and fitter.

John Blake

To order a 30-day trial, freephone 0800-3333-3333. Quote offer LOOOL for introductory discount 0f £45.95 + P&P. Or if you order 2 pairs you get a 3rd FREE.

londonprince wrote: ↑April 22nd, 2021, 4:52 pm ........................................
Headlines:

1.Newly Discovered Compression Wrap Stopped My Knee Pain
2.Kiss Knee Pain goodbye with Magic Copper Knee Wrap

SARubin wrote: ↑April 22nd, 2021, 9:20 pm Welcome back londonprince,

I'm glad to see you're still in the copywriting game.

Overall I'd say it looks like a pretty decent story for selling knee wraps.

There's a couple things that jumped out at me right away that break the flow. Fixing them could make the story a bit smoother.

I would swap these two paragraphs around...

But thanks to my granddaughter Alice who bought me a pair of Copper Knee Compression Wrap, I am now back doing my daily 90 minutes cycling around my local city. My knees feel like when I was 37 again.

When the pain was severe I was feeling useless not being able to spend quality time with my son and grandkids. The thought of selling my home and buying a bungalow even came to my mind or if worse to come to move into a care home.

In the first one you start to talk about how your granddaughter brought you a solution to the knee pain. But then you reverse back to talking about feeling useless and in pain again.

It breaks the flow of progression.

Swap the order of those two paragraphs and the story has much better flow towards the solution.


The second speed bump that immediately caught my attention is your first call to action...

It goes right from...

I am so glad to give these Copper Knee Compression Wrap a try - they have given me my life back.

And jumps right into

To order a 30-day trial, freephone 0800-3333-3333. Quote offer LOOOL for introductory discount 0f £45.95 + P&P. Or if you order 2 pairs you get a 3rd FREE.

Without any transition.

One second you're telling me a story and the next you're pushing me to order.

We could definitely use a smoother transition here. Something like...


I am so glad I gave these Copper Knee Compression Wraps a try - they have given me my life back.

If you're suffering from crippling knee pain like I was, and you'd like to experience the freedom of being pain free, you need to try this Copper Knee Compression Wrap.

It could change your life and put an end to knee pain once and for all.

To order yours simply call toll free 0800-3333-3333 right now.


Then you can add your guarantee to reassure anyone who's still on the fence about ordering.

And you already have your testimonials. So that's OK.


TLDR (Too Long Didn't Read)
Swap those 2 paragraphs around for better story flow. Add a transition before the call to action. And include a guarantee.

Other than that, and a couple minor grammar errors, it looks OK for a portfolio piece

londonprince wrote: ↑April 22nd, 2021, 4:52 pm Hello Guys, this is my advertorial I crafted as a sample to add to my portfolio.

I have images of the targeted audience that look alike but will only post the text.

I would like your honest review thanks.


........................................
Headlines:

1.Newly Discovered Compression Wrap Stopped My Knee Pain
2.Kiss Knee Pain goodbye with Magic Copper Knee Wrap



The Mri scan showed my worst nightmare, the cartilages in my knees have worn away. I was terrified I wouldn’t be able to cycle again.
Since I turned 65, my health condition got worse. It all started with a sharp moving pain in my left knee when cycling the London 2 Brighton challenge with my son and three grandkids.


Then three weeks later I started to get pain in both knees especially after cycling in the mornings. The pain got so bad that sometimes I struggled to get out of bed and make breakfast.
But thanks to my granddaughter Alice who bought me a pair of Copper Knee Compression Wrap, I am now back doing my daily 90 minutes cycling around my local city. My knees feel like when I was 37 again.

When the pain was severe I was feeling useless not being able to spend quality time with my son and grandkids. The thought of selling my home and buying a bungalow even came to my mind or if worse to come to move into a care home.

{Image of a middle-aged guy in blue cycling suit standing next to his bicycle.}

Peter is now back cycling 15 miles per and is full of energy


Within 2 weeks of wearing the Copper Knee Compression Wrap, I got a hope in life. Last summer I could hardly walk, I rarely leave my home and I was becoming bed-bound. The worst thing was being in no state to look after my grandkids. But now I feel like 37 again and am back doing my daily cycling, gardening and hiking with my son and grandkids.

I must admit when my granddaughter gave me the Copper Knee Compression Wrap and told me they are likely to stop my knee pain, I thought she was out of it - how could a simple compression wrap stop my knee pain?
I tried physiotherapy, multiples painkillers, acupuncture, topical creams, pain killers and nothing gave me long term relief. I am so glad to give these Copper Knee Compression Wrap a try - they have given me my life back.

To order a 30-day trial, freephone 0800-3333-3333. Quote offer LOOOL for introductory discount 0f £45.95 + P&P. Or if you order 2 pairs you get a 3rd FREE.



Review by Lucy



Lucy has been suffering from knee pains for over 7 9 years. “ I had a weight problem for as long as I can remember and this put pressure on my knees”
“Even after short walks my knee would ache up so bad I relied on taking Uber everywhere, even to my granddaughter who lives 13mins walk away.
“Then I was referred the Copper Knee Compression Wrap by my church sister, who was in a similar situation as me who found that they helped her to be more active and as result lost overweight.
“I ordered a pair without hesitation, The comfort was instantly noticeable and I was able to do my daily walks with the dog.
After 8 weeks am now walking 1-2km a day, I can’t believe it, I have no more footpain and I’ve lost over 15kg.

“These Copper Knee Compression Wrap have given me my life back”

Lucy Connolly






Short Review


I am impressed! I feel healthier and fitter.

“I have worn Copper Knee Compression Wrap for 6 months, I am not sure how it works but I definitely feel much healthier. There’s no Knee pain holding me back to do the activities I love. I always prefer natural alternatives to surgery or taking pills. So I was intrigued to read about Copper Knee Compression Wrap. I have been wearing them for 6 months now and I feels healthier and fitter.

John Blake

To order a 30-day trial, freephone 0800-3333-3333. Quote offer LOOOL for introductory discount 0f £45.95 + P&P. Or if you order 2 pairs you get a 3rd FREE.

Wordsmith wrote: ↑April 22nd, 2021, 9:38 pm Hello Londonprince,

Most of what you wrote, I like. It's very conversational.

Steve has covered a lot of ground.

What I'm going to provide is my opinion about the entrance point.

I'm torn between the two headlines though. But if I had to choose, I'd probably go with #2 with this modification:

Kiss Your Knee Pain Goodbye With This Magic Knee Wrap

Next, I would introduce your protagonist.

........................................
Headlines:

1.Newly Discovered Compression Wrap Stopped My Knee Pain
2.Kiss Knee Pain goodbye with Magic Copper Knee Wrap

Kiss Your Knee Pain Goodbye With This Magic Knee Wrap

Emma is like so many who age. Before she knew it walking became more difficult as the years progressed.

Here's what happened and how a magic knee wrap transformed her life.

The Mri scan showed my worst nightmare, the cartilages in my knees have worn away. I was terrified I wouldn’t be able to cycle again.

Since I turned 65, my health condition got worse. It all started with a sharp moving pain in my left knee when cycling the London 2 Brighton challenge with my son and three grandkids.
........................................

As you can see, the headline, your protagonist, and the storyline are now connected.

Instead of the copy sounding like it's about the writer, the introduction removes a barrier with your reader.

They are introduced to Emma. A woman who has aged but now is struggling with something so basic as walking.

The content becomes relatable.