Online Course (require comments and advice, go easy on me please)

Want some feedback on your copy? Then post it here (who knows... you just might get some good advice)
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ED209
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Online Course (require comments and advice, go easy on me please)

Post by ED209 »

Direct Sales Letter
Style (Gary Halbert)
This is the about the 9th draft, each part of the original draft has been re-edited so please any advice would be helpful

IF YOUR THE SMARTEST PERSON IN THE ROOM
STOP READING!!!

Dear Reader,

If you're looking for a way to finally achieve your goals and unlock your full potential, then listen up, because I have something special for you...

Introducing my brand-new online course, designed to help you, and overcome the indecisions that have held you back . This course is packed with the latest strategies, tips, and techniques that I've spent years mastering and refining, and I'm now ready to share them with you.

You see, I know what it's like to struggle, to feel stuck and frustrated with your progress. But I also know what it takes to break through those barriers and achieve real, lasting success. And that's exactly what I'm going to show you in this course.

You'll discover techniques that the rich use and more, all delivered in a step-by-step format that's easy to follow and implement. And because it's online, you can access the course from anywhere, at any time, without having to travel or rearrange your schedule.

But here's the thing: I'm only making this offer for a limited time. And I'm only looking for serious students who are committed to their own success. So if that's you, then I urge you to take action now and sign up for my online course.

Because let's be honest, you're never going to achieve your dreams and reach your full potential by just sitting there, waiting for something to change. You need to take action, and this course is the perfect place to start.

So don't wait another moment. Sign up now and let's get started on your path to success!

Sincerely,

Someone who was like you
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Re: Online Course (require comments and advice, go easy on me please)

Post by SARubin »

Technically it looks like good copy. It's all very uplifting and full of benefit driven sentiment, which is good.

But I'm not sure who your target market is?

I'm guessing it's someone interested in a self help course?
But are they interested in motivation? Career advancement? Financial gain? Finding true love? Something else, or all of the above?

"Success" is such a vague and subjective concept.

Also, what level of awareness do they have about self help courses?

The copy itself is fine if the people seeing it already know who you are and what you offer, but if you're sending cold traffic to this page, you'll want to tighten the focus a bit and call out your market so they'll know you're talking to them.

As a wise man once told me...
"Never write for anybody... Always write for Somebody."

So, ED209... Who's your target market? And what can you say to speak to them more directly?

ED209 wrote: February 11th, 2023, 5:41 pm Direct Sales Letter
Style (Gary Halbert)
This is the about the 9th draft, each part of the original draft has been re-edited so please any advice would be helpful

IF YOUR THE SMARTEST PERSON IN THE ROOM
STOP READING!!!

Dear Reader,

If you're looking for a way to finally achieve your goals and unlock your full potential, then listen up, because I have something special for you...

Introducing my brand-new online course, designed to help you, and overcome the indecisions that have held you back . This course is packed with the latest strategies, tips, and techniques that I've spent years mastering and refining, and I'm now ready to share them with you.

You see, I know what it's like to struggle, to feel stuck and frustrated with your progress. But I also know what it takes to break through those barriers and achieve real, lasting success. And that's exactly what I'm going to show you in this course.

You'll discover techniques that the rich use and more, all delivered in a step-by-step format that's easy to follow and implement. And because it's online, you can access the course from anywhere, at any time, without having to travel or rearrange your schedule.

But here's the thing: I'm only making this offer for a limited time. And I'm only looking for serious students who are committed to their own success. So if that's you, then I urge you to take action now and sign up for my online course.

Because let's be honest, you're never going to achieve your dreams and reach your full potential by just sitting there, waiting for something to change. You need to take action, and this course is the perfect place to start.

So don't wait another moment. Sign up now and let's get started on your path to success!

Sincerely,

Someone who was like you
A good marketer knows how to think like a marketer - A great marketer learns how to think like the customer...
SARubin - Direct Response Copywriter / Conversion Flow Expert
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ED209
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Re: Online Course (require comments and advice, go easy on me please)

Post by ED209 »

Evening SARuben
I think you've already figured out that I'm kinda stuck
I've absorbed a lot of content on how to write effective copy in the style of a successful writer (the above took about) 11 days of going back and forth till it resembled copy that works
I worked on the above as a template to be structured/shaped into multiple self help or self development courses
I actually want to develop my B2B writing as my background is in Pharma and this would a lucrative niche
but I'm not sure how to move forward as I don't seem to be able to find a mentor/guide in this field
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Re: Online Course (require comments and advice, go easy on me please)

Post by SARubin »

Like I said, the copy you've written so far is good. For someone just starting out you've already jumped leaps and bounds above many other new copywriters.

The main thing I was trying to impress on you is about understanding your target market, intimately.

Few people are looking for self help courses out of sheer curiosity. Most are looking to solve a problem in their life. So we want to speak directly to them, about their pain.

Empathize with them first... Then present your solution.

Your copy already presents the solution, but we first want to address the problem so, as your reader, I know you understand ME.

Let's start with your headline...

IF YOUR THE SMARTEST PERSON IN THE ROOM
STOP READING!!!

I've written a lot of copy in the self development arena and I've learned a thing or 2 over the years.

One of them is the wisdom of "meeting the market where they're currently at". And most people about to buy a self help program are not doing it in a crowded room. Because let's face it, it can be embarrassing for people to admit they're not successful and they need help.

And if they're alone while shopping for a self help program, that makes them the "smartest person in the room" at that moment. And you just told them to "STOP READING!!!"

Your headline is a cute little curiosity headline, and a lot of people might wonder what the heck you're talking about, and they'll stop to read it. So by all means test this one, because who knows... It just might work (only the market can decide what works).

Caveat: If you're presenting this ad to a self help Facebook group (or something similar) and they already know you, then this headline might work like gangbusters.
But I recommend coming up with a few more headlines you can split test against this one. Just in case this one doesn't pull the way you want it to.


Then your opening lede (the first few sentences) are critical. Your headline got them to stop and pay attention, and now your opening needs to pull them in.

So what do you know about your target market?

Here's a few ideas you can start with...

As your potential customer I'm looking for a self help course because I want to improve my life. I see others who are more successful than me and it often makes me feel bad about myself. Sometimes I even feel like a total loser.
If I can just find someone who's been where I'm at, and is now where I want to be, I know they could show me how to be successful too.

I've been searching for a self help course, and maybe I've even tried a few, but nothing has worked for me (at least not in the long term) and all the hyped up claims are starting to sound the same.
I just wish there was somebody, anybody, who I could trust. And who really understands what I'm going through and can help me break through the wall I keep running into.


So first we want to address some of these pain points. You don't need to write a lengthy dissertation, but we do want to call them out with our headline and opening lede.


After you engage and connect with them, then you can use the copy you wrote above to present the solution.

Hope that helps.

All the best,
Steve
A good marketer knows how to think like a marketer - A great marketer learns how to think like the customer...
SARubin - Direct Response Copywriter / Conversion Flow Expert
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Re: Online Course (require comments and advice, go easy on me please)

Post by ED209 »

Thanks Steve

I've just read your reply multiple times, sometimes I find this helps me to fully understand what is being conveyed, I absorb all advice so that it is clear to me and I am able to fully understand what is being communicated, thankyou

I've always enjoyed writing and I am hopeful of being successful in this field

If I was to criticise myself it would be that I have not followed a concise learning path, I have spent a lot of time consuming content, swipe files, I've even spent hours upon hours on YouTube, if I been a little more focused on a structured learning I may be further along my journey.

Now I have discovered this forum I'm looking to have an outlet for my creativity

ED209
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