this is my first email, please tell me how can i improve

[dhananjay]

Ready for a Wild Adventure? Conquer a New Country Like a Pro!

WE OFTEN WASTE TIME ON VACATIONS ON FINDING GOOD HOTELS TO STAY, FINDING RENTAL VEHICLES, FINDING TOURIST SPOTS ETC.
IT OFTEN GETS WORSE WHEN GET A HOTEL BUT THE SERVICE SUCKS BUT WHAT WE CAN DO IS TO COMPROMISE AT THAT TIME
THAT’S HOW WE WASTE OUR TIME INSTEAD OF ENJOYING OUR VACATION
BUT WE ARE HERE TO FIX THIS
WE HAVE LAUNCHED A TRAVEL PACKAGE IN WHICH YOU WILL GET
• ACCOMODATION – YOU WILL BE GIVEN THE BEST HOTELS OF THAT PLACE To STAY WITH PROPER HYGIENE AND MEALS WHICH MEANS YOU DON’T HAVE TO WASTE TIME ON FINDING HOTELS
• TRANSPORTATION - YOU WILL HAVE TRANSPORTATION FACILITY WHICH MEANS YOU DON’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT HOW TO GO TO YOUR DESTINATION
• ACTIVITIES AND EXCURSIONS – YOU WILL PROVIDED CITY TOURS, THEME PARK VISITS, WATER SPORTS, PHOTOGRAPHY TOURS AND MANY MORE THINGS WHICH MEANS ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS ENJOY THE JOURNEY
• SPECIAL OCCASIONS – YOU WILL BE GIVEN CHANCE TO SURPRISE YOUR SOULMATE ON THEIR BIRTHDAY, ANNIVERSARY SO YOU CAN MAKE THE JOURNEY MORE EXCITING
• FREE TIME – YOU WILL BE GIVEN FREE TIME TO EXPLORE ON YOUR OWN SO YOU CAN ALSO ENJOY YOUR PRIVACY
SO, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS TO ENJOY YOUR JOURNEY WITH YOUR FAMILY
AND ALL THE HEADACHES WILL OURS AND ENJOYMENT WILL BE YOURS
GET THIS PACKAGE ONLY AT 350$, AND THE FIRST 20 CUSTOMERS WILL BE GIVEN 15% DISCOUNT
CLICK THE BELOW LINK TO PLACE YOUR ORDER
TOUR PACKAGE

[SARubin]

Hi dhananjay,

Welcome to the copywriters forum.

Ready for a Wild Adventure? Conquer a New Country Like a Pro!

WE OFTEN WASTE TIME ON VACATIONS ON FINDING GOOD HOTELS TO STAY, FINDING RENTAL VEHICLES, FINDING TOURIST SPOTS ETC.
IT OFTEN GETS WORSE WHEN GET A HOTEL BUT THE SERVICE SUCKS BUT WHAT WE CAN DO IS TO COMPROMISE AT THAT TIME
THAT’S HOW WE WASTE OUR TIME INSTEAD OF ENJOYING OUR VACATION
BUT WE ARE HERE TO FIX THIS
WE HAVE LAUNCHED A TRAVEL PACKAGE IN WHICH YOU WILL GET
• ACCOMODATION – YOU WILL BE GIVEN THE BEST HOTELS OF THAT PLACE To STAY WITH PROPER HYGIENE AND MEALS WHICH MEANS YOU DON’T HAVE TO WASTE TIME ON FINDING HOTELS
• TRANSPORTATION - YOU WILL HAVE TRANSPORTATION FACILITY WHICH MEANS YOU DON’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT HOW TO GO TO YOUR DESTINATION
• ACTIVITIES AND EXCURSIONS – YOU WILL PROVIDED CITY TOURS, THEME PARK VISITS, WATER SPORTS, PHOTOGRAPHY TOURS AND MANY MORE THINGS WHICH MEANS ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS ENJOY THE JOURNEY
• SPECIAL OCCASIONS – YOU WILL BE GIVEN CHANCE TO SURPRISE YOUR SOULMATE ON THEIR BIRTHDAY, ANNIVERSARY SO YOU CAN MAKE THE JOURNEY MORE EXCITING
• FREE TIME – YOU WILL BE GIVEN FREE TIME TO EXPLORE ON YOUR OWN SO YOU CAN ALSO ENJOY YOUR PRIVACY
SO, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS TO ENJOY YOUR JOURNEY WITH YOUR FAMILY
AND ALL THE HEADACHES WILL OURS AND ENJOYMENT WILL BE YOURS
GET THIS PACKAGE ONLY AT 350$, AND THE FIRST 20 CUSTOMERS WILL BE GIVEN 15% DISCOUNT
CLICK THE BELOW LINK TO PLACE YOUR ORDER
TOUR PACKAGE

It's a good first try. The flow is a bit scattered and the message is a bit unclear, but at least you're trying and that's more than a lot of people do.
So I applaud you for taking an important first step

My first critique for you is to CUT BACK ON THE ALL CAPITAL LETTERS.
It feels like you're yelling at me. Also, if you make every word capital then none of them stand out as important.

Other than that, what can you tell me about the target market you're selling to?

[dhananjay]

My Target audience are the people who want to travel without wasting time on finding places

[SARubin]

My Target audience are the people who want to travel without wasting time on finding places

OK great. And now we want to narrow that target market down, to create a tighter focus, because every travel agency in the world is offering the same thing. And "people who want to travel without wasting time on finding places" is too broad of a market, unless you have plenty of advertising dollars to spend so you can cast a very wide net and hit some big numbers.

Let's see if we can tighten the focus up a bit.
A couple questions to ask are...

Are they traveling for business or pleasure?
How old are they?
What's their annual income and how much discretionary spending money do they have?
How often do they travel?

Here's a link to a post you might find useful. It's about defining your target market. I wrote it a couple years ago and it's still relevant today...

Defining Your Customers – Fundamentals Of Copywriting Part 2

[dhananjay]

Thanks sir, I will improve my copy using this technique