Feedback on vsl script

[nhsadika]

I'm writing a video sales letter script - 2 people talking in this one - for the Total Financial Reset (thanks Steve) a course on how to make money from a money transition.

We're stuck in our heads.

..mostly thinking about one area I'd like feedback on
does the intrigue carry the people through this
OR do we need a more obvious hook about what's in it for me
-- those hooks are there but they come in later.

We didn't want to seem too pitchy at the beginning, and almost unbelievable (hey you can make 10x your money by understanding the money transition we are in!)

The start of the script follows:
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Imagine the most colossal financial reset in history is in progress.

We’re feeling it as rising prices at the grocery store and insane inflationary wars.

What's going to happen to your money?

They are dropping hints. Christine Lagarde president of the European Central Bank goes on twitter revealing a digital Euro: Debate on the Global Economy; IMF
<evidence https://twitter.com/backtolife_2023/sta ... 9015356519>

That sounds like the bing of an update to your smartphone, not the sirens of a financial revolution.

Politico magazine has an infographic. The headline says “WTF is Christine Laguarde up to?”
<evidence https://www.politico.eu/article/christi ... tral-bank/ >

And that’s her winking while creating a money dumpster-fire. It looks like a crime scene.

It reads, “the ECB president has sounded the death knell for the dollar and predicted the end of the world economy as we know it” — Thats a hint of an event impacting the US and then everywhere - a mega event.

K: But what is it?

She says vaguely, “The world could soon enter a “new age” —which sounds upbeat.”

But then the downbeat, she’s like an “owl before an earthquake, alive to the prospect of a more hostile world, war, deglobalization, and inflation that never quite dies.”

<slow down here K, build the suspense>
Who's calling the shots, and what's their plan?

You've got to know.

We're gonna tell on them.

But we’ll go even further, we'll show you their plan for the future of your wealth compressed into one picture.

By the end of this video, you will be in the elite 0.000001%. That’s one in a hundred thousand.

N: When I actually learned the scope of the plan, I could see this may be the biggest most secret change to the world, ever. I’m professionally trained to watch and viciously pursue uncharted opportunities. While doing the work we found something. Hidden in this reset is a 10x+ type chance for generational wealth, a chance that comes along three or four times in a lifetime. We’re going to show you where the opportunity is.

Our team holds one belief, a revolutionary viewpoint that will reshape everything you see after. This revolution, this disruption, this reset, all the craziness ...is about MONEY ITSELF.

K: <SUPER STRONG, SLOW> NOTHING else.

Some smart people like Porter Stansberry said this money reset was going to happen ten years ago. He famously called it the End of America. A catchy title. But it didn’t happen. Many are blaise today, and say its five-ten years away again. But THIS IS IT. [or THIS IS THE END]

Few people are ready for a money reset. We can’t shy away from it, even a first hit of 50% on wealth purchasing power will shake the foundations of our finances, from retirements to stocks and bank accounts.

It’s already tough out there. We know people with good jobs concerned over grocery bills. There are stressed-out millennials battling high rents. And retirees are rethinking retirement plans. Brace yourself – this shift is going to make things worse.

N:
Yet, with every radical change money flows. Trillions in currency will flow in new money oceans. Those in the know, are strategically gearing up for generational wealth in its wake. We mean growing wealth by 10x and then more and then more. Yes, millionaires made. They’ll say it was overnight success, but that’s a myth, it’s being relentless.

What you are about to watch uses integrated multi domain knowledge, and its never been attempted to put this out there in direct form. {pattern interrupt}

K: We're guides, and here's the proof in these account statements— we’re climbing an impressive 125% gain in owning generational technology for the new financial system. But the first stop that matters is 1000%, a 10x.

A year ago, we made moves to help others while Wall Street slept. Now, they're starting to awaken. Proof? Wall Street hated Bitcoin. But now they’ve eaten Bitcoin. They’re pitching Bitcoin investment funds. But that's just the sideshow.

Picture this —the main event – is ultra-private. The changeover of all money, everywhere. Trillion dollar capital is running this show, and guests are on a need-to-know basis with strict secrecy orders, also known as non-disclosure agreements.

Its a private event at a private club with an unmarked door. Inside is a generational transition of the financial world. Its like The Beatles, U2, and Taylor Swift are playing and you aren’t invited but your bank account is.

N: How does that make you feel?

K: It makes me feel frustrated and exhilarated at the same time. I want in.

[LucasCepeda]

Hey there

I like your writing.

But I would maybe do a few changes to that first intro paragraph instead of going directly to the financial reset part maybe?


This is what you wrote:
Imagine the most colossal financial reset in history is in progress.
We’re feeling it as rising prices at the grocery store and insane inflationary wars.
What's going to happen to your money?

Why not add more tension before getting straight to the point?
Maybe something like this...

Do you feel the dark cloud around the financial markets?

The tension in the air is palpable...

We are feeling it as rising prices soar at the grocery stores..

The inflation wars...

The question in everyones mind is...

What's going to happen to your money?

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Just an idea, i think adding something before that first line would add more drama to the plot.