reviews and feedback

[shagun_95]

Hey everyone! I'm Shagun and I've started copywriting recently by watching a youtube video

I'm here looking for feedback ansd review on my copies

any recommendations would be appreciated

[SARubin]

Hello Shagun,
Welcome to the forum.

Is this just for practice or is this an email you're actually going to send to a list?

[shagun_95]

thank you very much for looking in to my copy
and for your answer
I wrote this copy just for my practice. I've been only writing emails copy for practice and building my skill.So, it would be very helpful if you could give me some reviews and feedback.

[SARubin]

OK, practice is a good way to get better.

The first thing I'd suggest is to pull the reader in a bit more at the start of your message. Most people will only give you a couple of seconds to decide if they want to continue reading your message, or not. So we need to hook them quickly.

I wrote a suggestion below (the part in green) that might help you get some of your own ideas flowing...

Niche - fitness,health and bodybuilding
Product - sleep tracking ring from ultra human

SL: THIS MIGHT BE THE REASON WHY YOU ARE LAGGING BEHIND EVERYONE
HEY %FIRSTNAME%

What do you think might be the reason behind you not maximizing your full POTENTIAL

Let's see... Your subject line is a fear based headline (fear of being left behind or missing out) so let's build on that...

Describe the feeling of what it means to not use our full potential.
Feelings of frustration? Feeling that we could be doing more with our life? Tired most of the time?

Build on the pain points of what it feels like first, before you give the answer. This way we get their attention first by letting them know it's a common problem that could get worse without action. Then once you have their attention we can start to present your solution.

Its SLEEP (what does it mean to not get enough sleep? How does that affect their day?)

Bring this next part from the middle of your email closer to the beginning, to quickly build authority and credibility in your message...
The research done by the university medical center groningen of netherland have concluded that poor sleep quality results in the CFS (chronic fatigue syndrome).this cause overall low recovery,low immunity and decreased testosterone and many more potentially dangerous side effects
and in the next 8-9 lines I’ll tell you how to fix this massive issue

Now that you have their attention and interest, and a bit of credibility, you can present your solution.


Remember, the first few lines of your copy (opening lede) are more important than the next 20 lines, because if we don't pull people into our copy right away then they'll never stick around to read the rest of it anyway.

Anyway, something think about.
Hope it helps...

All the best,
Steve