Copywriters Forum

Hi members, I am new to this forum and came across looking for relevant help for one of my recent interactions with my customer. I am not a copywriter but a marketing freelancer, I setup a Facebook Carousel ad with images of the business (preschool).

The carousel read like this:

Browse Through - IMG 1 - IMG 2 - IMG 3- Liking It? - IMG 4 - IMG 5 - Your Kids Would Love it Too?

The client has raised a concern that it is incorrect usage of verb tense (with 3 different tenses in the same carousel) but I had this perspective while writing it that this is not 1 common sentence and all 3 cards can have different tenses.

Browse Through (wanted to sound assertive here)
Liking it? - The process is still continuing across next 2-3 images hence present continuous
Would love it too? - Hypotheses and conditions Future (usage of would)

So, can some expert please help me with who stands correct?

Thanks, urgent help required.

Without seeing the context of the ad (what type of copy or pre-selling funnel is being used, leading up to the Carousel) and without knowing anything about the business or the client, it's hard for me to give any detailed advice.

But I'll at least try to help you out with some word usage...

vics@123 wrote: ↑November 5th, 2022, 10:13 am The client has raised a concern that it is incorrect usage of verb tense (with 3 different tenses in the same carousel) but I had this perspective while writing it that this is not 1 common sentence and all 3 cards can have different tenses.

Browse Through (wanted to sound assertive here)
Liking it? - The process is still continuing across next 2-3 images hence present continuous
Would love it too? - Hypotheses and conditions Future (usage of would)

The carousel read like this:

Browse Through - IMG 1 - IMG 2 - IMG 3- Liking It? - IMG 4 - IMG 5 - Your Kids Would Love it Too?

The tense seems OK to me, but perhaps more direct language will please your client?

Instead of "Browse Through" maybe try - "Start browsing" or "Your child's future begins here"

It doesn't get any more first tense than using the word "start" or "begin".

...Then...

Instead of using "Liking it" perhaps you could say something like - "And it gets even better"

Something like this can keep the flow going with a bit of anticipation for what comes next.

And finally, where you say "Your Kids Would Love it Too" I would change the word "would" for "will" so it reads "Your Kids Will Love it Too"

It's still using future pacing, but in this case the word "Will" is far more empowering and helps the reader project a more definite conclusion.


Again, I don't know anything about the business, the client, or the ad campaign. So these are just a couple of suggestions about word usage. maybe they can help you get your own creative juices flowing?

All the best,
Steve

P.S. Here's one more thing that might help you. It's a post I wrote a while ago about using transition words to keep the flow of your copy moving. It's a short post but it has some powerful ideas packed into it...
Using Transition Words to Keep Your Readers Engaged

.

Thanks a lot for the reply Steve, very helpful.

vics@123 wrote: ↑November 5th, 2022, 10:13 am
The client has raised a concern that it is incorrect usage of verb tense (with 3 different tenses in the same carousel) but I had this perspective while writing it that this is not 1 common sentence and all 3 cards can have different tenses.

So, can some expert please help me with who stands correct?

Hi vics@123,
Welcome to the forum.

I like the progressive structure of your verb tense, but if the client is paying you then the client stands correct.

IMHO... Unless they are making a terrible mistake that can kill the results of the ad, just give them what they want and collect your payment. Or maybe you can do it both ways and convince your client about the benefits of split testing, to see which one works better.

Thanks a lot for this honest advice Franklin, I indeed want to do that just was looking for honest opinions like you specifically on the Grammar so I can convince the client that see even the experts agree with this since it is not one sentence but 3 different cards in same carousel they can have different tenses basis the tone intended for their usage.

Do you agree with this? Not compelling to agree, just confirming, is it grammatically incorrect?

One member on a Reddit post said copywriting need not always follow the "school grammar" lessons. What's your honest take on that?

Thanks

vics@123 wrote: ↑November 6th, 2022, 2:18 pm
One member on a Reddit post said copywriting need not always follow the "school grammar" lessons. What's your honest take on that?

Thanks

My honest take is that as long you can write in a clear, and engaging, manner then a few grammar mistakes won't chase anyone away.

Franklin wrote: ↑November 6th, 2022, 10:02 pm
My honest take is that as long you can write in a clear, and engaging, manner then a few grammar mistakes won't chase anyone away.

Absolutely agree.

Of course if we're selling products to school teachers (or writing to impress our language professors) then proper grammar is critically important.

But when we're selling to normal people, it's better to write the way people actually talk.


To quote the American novelist, Mark Twain,

“If we learned to walk and talk the way we learn to read and write, everyone would limp and stutter."

And when it comes to selling through the written word...

Over the past 20+ years, one thing I've discovered is my response rates always go up when I write the way my market talks. Mostly because people are more likely to buy from someone who sounds like they understand them, and someone who belongs to the same tribe as them.

That's why I can say with confidence...

Copywriting doesn't always need to follow the rules of "proper grammar", it only needs to follow the grammar rules of our target market. (based on our market research)

• If they speak in broken, or incomplete sentences, then our copy should too.

• If they use jargon, emotionally charged words, or language patterns, then our copy should too.

• If they use a lot of metaphors, analogies or similes, then our copy should too.

OK, now that I got my early morning grammar rant out of the way ...


vics@123, you say your clients business is a preschool?

This could indicate he (or she) has a certain level of appreciation for proper educational standards.
And "proper school-house grammar" might be a deciding factor for this client to approve your ad.

Of course I don't know your client, so I'm just guessing here, but if they raised a concern about incorrect grammar then it could be a clue to their decision making modality. (And if you argue with them too much about it you might end up talking yourself out of a client )


Personally, I'd go back to Franklin's advice about creating 2 ads.

The first ad is the one your client thinks they want...

...The second ad is the one you believe your client actually needs.

Then, split test the ads and let the response rates determine which one converts better. Opinions are subjective but response rates are objective. (conversion numbers don't lie)

And if your client has no interest in split testing, then unfortunately, that probably means you're dealing with a client who doesn't understand how advertising actually works.

But that would be a topic for a whole different conversation...


Whatever you decide to do vics@123, I wish you great success with this client. And with your ad campaign.

All the best,
Steve

Thanks a lot for taking out time to write such a detailed reply Steve, really appreciate all the help I got on this forum.