Direct mail piece from local insurance guy

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Direct mail piece from local insurance guy

Post by SARubin »

I posted this first piece on another forum I sometimes visit, and it received some replies from other members. So I figured you guys might like to see it also?

Note: Google might see this as duplicate content because I already posted it elsewhere? But screw google. It’s my original post and you guys deserve to see it whether google likes it, or not.


Today we’re looking at a direct mail piece I got, from a local insurance guy.

No, I didn’t write it. And I’m not affiliated with the guy in any way.

But I’ve gotten this same letter every couple months, for more than a year now. Which leads me to believe it’s a responsive control piece.

(for the new writers here, a “control piece” basically means it’s getting a good enough response rate, to make it worth mailing, over and over again)

I blocked out the contact info, just for privacy sake. But the rest of the letter is intact.
Anyway, here it is…

State Farm Direct Mail Piece-1.jpg
So what do you think my fellow copywriters?

What parts are strong?
What parts are weak?
What would you leave?
What would you tweak?

(hmmm… I think I just channeled my inner Dr. Seuss with that last part 🙂 )

I spent a few minutes this morning (the time it took to drink my first cup of coffee) dissecting the piece, and picking out what I think are some of the good parts… and some of the not so good parts.

I’m sure I missed some stuff, but here’s what I came up with…

(The notes in green are good…The notes in red are not so good.)

Analyzed - State Farm Mail Piece-1.jpg

So what do you think…?
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SARubin - Direct Response Copywriter / Conversion Flow Specialist
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