I Need help to write copy for dog-grooming service

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I Need help to write copy for dog-grooming service

Post by lottor »

Hi, I need you guys help me.

I’ve been studying copywriting for 2 month or so. I’ve read lots of blogs, watched videos and so on.

I currently have a pet-related service (dog-grooming, bath and cleaning) but I can’t seem to write a copy that sells.

Though I work in the pet area, I want to become a professional copywriter and let my wife lead the dog service. (But, for me, I can only offer copywriting service to others when my writing is effective for my business.)

Onwards,

I’ve been trying the reviews-mining method on youtube, amazon, blog and you name it. But I can’t find anything that can light me up (Make me more persuasive).

Cutting to the case, in Brazil there’s a site we can sell used / new things or offer services. It’s called “OLX” (This site is where I offer my service).

On the web, I’ve found this similar site to “OLX” (www. letgo.com/en-us/i/grooming_97c6af42-66e1-49e3-bad3-0b1d568f4126)

But people from these sites don’t use copy to sell more of their products or service. So, that’s what I need help with:

How to write (persuasive) copy for dog-services (grooming, bath and cleaning)?


*You can see my copy below and tip me where to improve it:


Headline:

Haven’t found a dog-grooming yet?

Copy:

Imagine your pooch smelling all-good, clean and cute. Would you like it? Sure you would.

What about all of it without having to break the bank? Quite a deal, huh?!

Look, we’re still in January and we got over 50-satisfied client already!
Wherever they go, their dogs can’t go unnoticed. The owners are loving it.

Would you like experiencing this too?

Then, click now on this link: www. somelink.com

or

Hit us today on Whatsapp 9999-9999

P.S. I attached before / after images to the ad.

P.P.S. The ad has been running for 2 days, 27 people has seen it as of today but nobody got in touch so far.

Your suggestions are welcomed!
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Re: I Need help to write copy for dog-grooming service

Post by SARubin »

Hey lottor,

Yeah, this copy is weak my friend.

The headline is not very attention grabbing. There’s no proof elements (except for you saying “we got over 50-satisfied client already”). You’re not really making a specific offer. There’s no guarantee or bold promise. And there’s no sense of urgency for people to “act now”.


But I’m here to help you make it better…


Before we can talk about creating persuasive sales copy, the first thing we need to do is identify “who” your ideal customer is. And “why” they have their dogs groomed in the first place.

Are these people who have their dogs groomed regularly? Once a month? Once a year? Only on special occasions?

Understanding “why” someone has their pet groomed, along with other buying behaviors and personality traits, can take us a long way towards knowing what words to use in our copy.

Here’s a brief blog post I wrote a while ago, about defining your ideal customer (it’s a short read)…

Defining Your Customers – Fundamentals Of Copywriting Part 2


My second question is “where” is your traffic coming from? How are people getting to your sales page? (paid advertising? social media posts? search engines? online marketing or offline marketing?)

Knowing “how” people are finding your sales page can help us figure out their motivation for seeking your services. It can also help us determine if your transition from ad to sales page is flowing smoothly, or if it’s incongruent and choppy creating friction in the buying process.


If you can answer these basic questions I might be able to guide you in a better direction with your copy.


One final thing…. 27 views is hardly enough to get any real data for response rates. We really need to have at least 100 people (more would be better) before we decide if an ad is working or not. If you don’t get even 1 or 2 responses after 100 visits, then the problem might be that your copy is not resonating with your audience? (it could also be a few other reasons)

Added later: I just re-read your post and noticed you mention before / after pictures. So my comment about “no proof elements” was mistaken. (sorry about that) But we can still make the rest of the copy better…
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Re: I Need help to write copy for dog-grooming service

Post by Franklin »

Your grammar needs work if you’re selling to English speaking dog owners.

Haven’t found a dog-grooming yet?

Dog-grooming is the verb, it’s what you do. “Dog-groomer” is who you are, so it should read – Haven’t found a dog-groomer yet?


Imagine your pooch smelling all-good, clean and cute.


That sentence is confusing. A dog can smell good and clean, but “cute” is visual. How can a dog smell cute?


Also, you don’t give any reason to choose you over any other dog groomers. Why should dog owners choose you over anyone else?

I would work on improving the offer and giving a compelling reason to choose your service instead of your competitors.

HTH
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Re: I Need help to write copy for dog-grooming service

Post by lottor »

Thanks SARubin.

I’ll review the points you’ve just showed me I must improve and see how I can make them better. It was helpful!


One more thing, see the statement below:

“Look, we’re still in January and we got over 50-satisfied client already!
Wherever they go, their dogs can’t go unnoticed. The owners are loving it.

Would you like experiencing this too?”


I thought by doing this people would desire the same results for them.

So, here comes a question for you.

Does the idea was good but I failed to make it compelling or that statement didn’t make people desire at all?
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Re: I Need help to write copy for dog-grooming service

Post by lottor »

Franklin wrote: Wed Jan 15, 2020 10:32 am Your grammar needs work if you’re selling to English speaking dog owners.

Haven’t found a dog-grooming yet?

Dog-grooming is the verb, it’s what you do. “Dog-groomer” is who you are, so it should read – Haven’t found a dog-groomer yet?


Imagine your pooch smelling all-good, clean and cute.


That sentence is confusing. A dog can smell good and clean, but “cute” is visual. How can a dog smell cute?


Also, you don’t give any reason to choose you over any other dog groomers. Why should dog owners choose you over anyone else?

I would work on improving the offer and giving a compelling reason to choose your service instead of your competitors.

HTH
Thank you for help! I’ll try to improve the points you’ve highlighted for sure.

I doubt just popped up now. On this kind of site (the ones we can sell used things or offer services, such as http://www.letgo.com), are they good for placing a piece of copy? Generally, people would write copy for facebook, IG, Landing Pages, you name it.

P.S. About the grammar, I’d like to mention that my ad is in portuguese. I translated it to make it easier for you guys to understand and try to help me. (I’m not a native speaker) 😀
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Re: I Need help to write copy for dog-grooming service

Post by SARubin »

lottor wrote: Wed Jan 15, 2020 1:12 pm One more thing, see the statement below:

“Look, we’re still in January and we got over 50-satisfied client already!
Wherever they go, their dogs can’t go unnoticed. The owners are loving it.

Would you like experiencing this too?”


I thought by doing this people would desire the same results for them.

So, here comes a question for you.

Does the idea was good but I failed to make it compelling or that statement didn’t make people desire at all?
Hey @lottor,

The idea is a good one.

Social conformity is a powerful motivator, especially for people who would spend money on a vanity purchase like grooming their dog. It’s just the first sentence that comes across a little harsh.

When you start with… “Look, we’re still in January and we got over 50-satisfied client already! ” it sounds like you’re bragging and talking “at” people about how great you are.

Which isn’t always a bad thing because people want to know they’re dealing with a confident professional. But you might want to split test it against something that tells them how great they are for coming to you.

Something like…

“If you love your dog like we love dogs, then join our other 50 satisfied clients who have trusted us with the care and grooming of their four legged friends. ”


That’s just a rough draft at the end of a very long day for me. It needs to be polished. But can you see the direction I’m going?

We’re still letting people know that you have 50 clients that trust you, but we’re making it more about the dogs and their owners, than about you.


Someone taught me years ago…

An average ad makes the business look smart. A great ad makes the customer feel smart, for doing business with you.
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Re: I Need help to write copy for dog-grooming service

Post by lottor »

SARubin wrote: Wed Jan 15, 2020 9:39 pm
lottor wrote: Wed Jan 15, 2020 1:12 pm One more thing, see the statement below:

“Look, we’re still in January and we got over 50-satisfied client already!
Wherever they go, their dogs can’t go unnoticed. The owners are loving it.

Would you like experiencing this too?”


I thought by doing this people would desire the same results for them.

So, here comes a question for you.

Does the idea was good but I failed to make it compelling or that statement didn’t make people desire at all?
Hey @lottor,

The idea is a good one.

Social conformity is a powerful motivator, especially for people who would spend money on a vanity purchase like grooming their dog. It’s just the first sentence that comes across a little harsh.

When you start with… “Look, we’re still in January and we got over 50-satisfied client already! ” it sounds like you’re bragging and talking “at” people about how great you are.

Which isn’t always a bad thing because people want to know they’re dealing with a confident professional. But you might want to split test it against something that tells them how great they are for coming to you.

Something like…

“If you love your dog like we love dogs, then join our other 50 satisfied clients who have trusted us with the care and grooming of their four legged friends. ”


That’s just a rough draft at the end of a very long day for me. It needs to be polished. But can you see the direction I’m going?

We’re still letting people know that you have 50 clients that trust you, but we’re making it more about the dogs and their owners, than about you.


Someone taught me years ago…

An average ad makes the business look smart. A great ad makes the customer feel smart, for doing business with you.
Yay! This one was such a great tip:

“We’re still letting people know that you have 50 clients that trust you, but we’re making it more about the dogs and their owners, than about you.”

Thanks again SARubin.
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Re: I Need help to write copy for dog-grooming service

Post by lottor »

Hi, I’ve made some changes. Your suggestions are welcomed, though.


Headline

Make more with your time while your dog get cleaned

Copy

Does your dog need get trimmed and cleaned and you have no time to drop by at a dog-grooming service?

Don’t worry! Our driver will fetch your dog at your home. This way, you’ll have more time to handle with others demanding-time tasks without neglecting the caring of you dog.

If you let us care of you four-legged friend our team will stop at nothing to make you feel happy and join the more over 50-satisfied client just this January.

If you want your dog to look the best but lack of time has been a problem, just do something.

Join us now on this link: www. somelink.com

or

Hit us today on Whatsapp 9999-9999

P.S. I attached before / after images to the ad.

P.P.S. The ad has been running for 2 days, 27 people has seen it as of today but nobody got in touch so far.
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Re: I Need help to write copy for dog-grooming service

Post by SARubin »

Now you’re starting to get the idea lottor,

It’s all about what you can do for them, and their dog. (because that’s what they care about).

And where you say… “Our driver will fetch your dog at your home. This way, you’ll have more time to handle others demanding-time tasks”.

That’s what a real offer looks like. Good job.

And, if nobody else in the dog grooming business is offering pick-up service, then you also have a great USP (Unique Selling Position) that sets you apart from your competition.


As far as the flow, syntax, and wording of your copy? It’s hard to say if it’s good or not. Because as you mentioned before it’s being translated from Portuguese to English, and a lot of times things get lost or mixed up in translation.

So I don’t know if what we’re reading is the same thing you meant to write?

But anyway I look at it… it’s already much better than your first try.


I’d still work on the headline, because that’s what needs to grab your markets attention, and pull them into your copy.

Make more with your time while your dog gets cleaned is OK, but it’s not very powerful, or clear what you’re offering.


The best headlines should either call out your target market,

example: “Attention busy dog owners who want their dogs professionally groomed, but don’t have time to drive to the groomer”


Or it should make a clear compelling promise,

example: “Convenient door-to-door dog grooming service takes the hassle out of bringing your pet to the groomer”

Then you can go into your opening copy…

Of course if you have space limitations then you’d need to make either of those headlines shorter. But you still want to clearly get the attention of your ideal customer by either calling them out directly, or making a bold offer right away.


Now I have a question for you…

Where is this ad being shown?

Is this an ad that’s driving people to your sales page? (at somelink .com) and then you have different copy on that page?

Or Is this the copy that’s on your main sales page? And if it is then where is your traffic coming from (how are you driving people to the page)?

I only ask because the success of your copy depends a lot on what your customers state of mind is just before they see your copy…
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Re: I Need help to write copy for dog-grooming service

Post by lottor »

SARubin wrote: Sat Jan 18, 2020 12:05 am Now you’re starting to get the idea lottor,

It’s all about what you can do for them, and their dog. (because that’s what they care about).

And where you say… “Our driver will fetch your dog at your home. This way, you’ll have more time to handle others demanding-time tasks”.

That’s what a real offer looks like. Good job.

And, if nobody else in the dog grooming business is offering pick-up service, then you also have a great USP (Unique Selling Position) that sets you apart from your competition.


As far as the flow, syntax, and wording of your copy? It’s hard to say if it’s good or not. Because as you mentioned before it’s being translated from Portuguese to English, and a lot of times things get lost or mixed up in translation.

So I don’t know if what we’re reading is the same thing you meant to write?

But anyway I look at it… it’s already much better than your first try.


I’d still work on the headline, because that’s what needs to grab your markets attention, and pull them into your copy.

Make more with your time while your dog gets cleaned is OK, but it’s not very powerful, or clear what you’re offering.


The best headlines should either call out your target market, (Thanks for lighting me up. I’ll work on it)

example: “Attention busy dog owners who want their dogs professionally groomed, but don’t have time to drive to the groomer”


Or it should make a clear compelling promise, (Thanks for lighting me up. I’ll work on it)


example: “Convenient door-to-door dog grooming service takes the hassle out of bringing your pet to the groomer”

Then you can go into your opening copy…

Of course if you have space limitations then you’d need to make either of those headlines shorter. But you still want to clearly get the attention of your ideal customer by either calling them out directly, or making a bold offer right away. (You nailed it. I can only type 90 characters)


Now I have a question for you…

Where is this ad being shown?

Is this an ad that’s driving people to your sales page? (at somelink .com) and then you have different copy on that page?

Or Is this the copy that’s on your main sales page? And if it is then where is your traffic coming from (how are you driving people to the page)?

I only ask because the success of your copy depends a lot on what your customers state of mind is just before they see your copy…

(None site drives traffic to my ad. There’s a site called “OLX” and it’s very similar to “www.letgo.com”. It works like a online marketplace where people can sell new / used products or sell service. So the public that sees my ad are generally looking for some dog-related product / service on the site “OLX”. This way, I can ensure that the ad traffic comes from the “OLX” platform.)

Hope you guys understood.


P.S. I’ve been using this platform so I can test my writing copy. When I see people acting upon my ad, I’ll know then I’m getting in the right way as a copywriter and I’ll move onto put my ad on google, facebook and etc. After having done all this and seen good results, I’ll try position myself as a copywriter and then begin offering my service.
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Re: I Need help to write copy for dog-grooming service

Post by lottor »

Hi, y’all.

It’s been past 10 days from my last post. And I’d like to show what has happened since then… and need your help to move on.

I took / stole the @sarubin tip about the headline and put it in practice without changing a single word:

Attention busy dog owners who want their dogs professionally groomed, but don’t have time to drive to the groomer”

After doing that, see the results below.

The ad has been running for 8 days, 59 people has seen it as of today but nobody got in touch so far.

I feel like I should put a benefit + urgency in the P.S. to make the offer more likely to be acted upon.

You can suggest on this.


Ok. Let me move on to the next thing…

Would you mind hitting the website: http://www.letgo.com and see if the style of copy I’ve been crafting is proper for this kind of site?

I mean…

Nowadays it looks like everybody has a website with their products / services being offered and their copies is on their websites but…

The legend Gary halbert (if I become 10% of what it was I’ll sure be a great copywriter too) used to write copy directly to the journal or magazine, there wasn’t website for users to be compelled to click on.

I’m not telling you I don’t want to have a website of my own to offer my pet-related services. I’m just…

Telling you that if a message is compelling… then it should works in any media.

I plan to build a website in the future but now my priority it’s to improve my copy skill. I don’t want…

To be worried about SEO, plugin, photo editing… my focus now is only to master the copywriting subject and then… later… to build a website.

All help are welcomed.
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Re: I Need help to write copy for dog-grooming service

Post by SARubin »

Hey lottor,

Good to see you again. I replied to your comments below…
lottor wrote: Tue Jan 28, 2020 8:54 pm Hi, y’all.

It’s been past 10 days from my last post. And I’d like to show what has happened since then… and need your help to move on.

I took / stole the @sarubin tip about the headline and put it in practice without changing a single word:

Attention busy dog owners who want their dogs professionally groomed, but don’t have time to drive to the groomer”


Those headlines I used in my last reply were only meant to be examples of how to call out your ideal customer, or present a compelling benefit/offer in a headline.

I don’t know much about your service, and have no idea of who your target market actually is. So feel free to use them if you want, but they weren’t really meant to be targeted headlines (they were just examples of headlines)


After doing that, see the results below.

The ad has been running for 8 days, 59 people has seen it as of today but nobody got in touch so far.

59 people is still too small of a sample to get any real data.

For all we know, 50 of them might just be bots or web crawlers registering as views? (it increases view count, but bots don’t buy anything)

Or half of them might just be curious people looking to see what’s for sale? (have you ever viewed an ad just out of curiosity? I have.)

Or they might be your competitors just checking out the competition?

Some of them could be the same people returning for a repeat visit? (These are people who are most likely interested in what you’re selling, but haven’t made up their mind yet)

If you don’t get at least a 2% to 3% response after a couple hundred visitors then it could be your message needs tweaking, or it could be the wrong media (platform) for what you’re selling?


I feel like I should put a benefit + urgency in the P.S. to make the offer more likely to be acted upon.

Yes, a benefit + sense of urgency is always a good idea

Would you mind hitting the website: www. letgo .com and see if the style of copy I’ve been crafting is proper for this kind of site?

I just took a quick look at letgo .com and from what I saw, it doesn’t look like many of those advertisers know anything about creating a compelling offer. It’s mostly just people saying “Look at me… Here I am” .

So your copy is already miles ahead of what I saw those other people posting.

But that doesn’t mean your copy is automatically going to work.

Here’s a simple truth about direct response advertising, lottor…

It’s all about testing and measuring results.

Yes, there are certain principles that should always be followed. Like understanding that customers only care about what you can do, after they see the benefit to themselves. And we first need to get their attention before we can build any interest. And there needs to be interest and desire before people will take action…

But we still never know for sure if an ad will work until we test it.


The legend Gary halbert (if I become 10% of what it was I’ll sure be a great copywriter too) used to write copy directly to the journal or magazine, there wasn’t website for users to be compelled to click on.

Offline copy – Magazines, newspapers, direct mail, radio and TV – was the only media back when Gary Halbert made most of his money (the internet has only been huge for the last 20 years or so).

Before Gary Halbert died he was already endorsing the incredible opportunity of online advertising. And I’m convinced that if he was still alive today he’d be spending more of his time online.


Telling you that if a message is compelling… then it should works in any media.

Well that sounds good. But unfortunately it’s not really true.

The media plays a huge part in determining not only the target audience, but also how a message is received.

The media has always played a big part in how we reach an audience. And these days, especially online, different media is becoming more niched with each new platform that pops up.

Quick example of what I mean…

You’re selling “dog grooming” services, yes?

In scene 1 – You stand in the middle of a grocery store and tell shoppers about your dog grooming service.

In scene 2 – You go to the local park where everyone is walking their dog, and tell all the dog owners about your dog grooming service.


Which media do you think will connect better with your ideal client, at a time when they’re more open to hearing your message?

At the grocery store you might connect with a few random dog owners… At the dog park everyone you talk to will have a dog.


The point I’m making is this… Yes, you should try making your copy more persuasive. But you should also put your promotion in more than one place. Ideally in places where your target market is already hanging out.

If you’re only going to advertise online, then I recommend you at least try a few different platforms to see if you can find where your ideal dog owners are more likely to be.


One more idea for you to think about, lottor…

If you’re a local dog groomer, and most of your clients are local, have you considered printing up flyers and handing them out to dog owners?

It would cost more than a free online ad, but it could also pay for itself by bringing you a boat load of new clients.
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Re: I Need help to write copy for dog-grooming service

Post by lottor »

Hey Sarubin,

Thanks for the suggestions.

It feels like after reading them my brains starts coming up with lots of new possibilities.

Your feedbacks has helped me to get better at writing.

I’ll look closely to all your teachings and I’ll put them in practice.

Thanks again!
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Re: I Need help to write copy for dog-grooming service

Post by SARubin »

lottor wrote: Wed Jan 29, 2020 6:51 pm Hey Sarubin,

Thanks for the suggestions.

It feels like after reading them my brains starts coming up with lots of new possibilities.

Your feedbacks has helped me to get better at writing.

I’ll look closely to all your teachings and I’ll put them in practice.

Thanks again!
You’re welcome, lottor.
And yes, the world of copywriting and marketing is full of possibilities.

As long as you stay with it and always keep learning and improving (and always be testing), I have every reason to believe you’ll become a good copywriter.

All the best,

Steve
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Re: I Need help to write copy for dog-grooming service

Post by lottor »

Hi guys.

Still on the subject, I’ve found what I believe that is really keeping me from writing a good copy.

As you already know,

I have a small business… really… really… small (I offer dog grooming-related service).

I need to bring in more customers but the point I’m struck in is “translate facts to benefits”.

I just can’t get through this point.(I’ve already tried the “so what method” but I still can’t get the benefits.)

Please help me extract benefits from facts out of dog grooming-related service. (It feels like can do it for any subject but when it come to dog grooming service… I just freeze.)

After I get past this barrier, I believe I’ll be able to craft a great copy.

Hope you guys can shed some light on it.

Thanks in advance.
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