Please critique my Email Copy :)

[Erik]

Hello everyone!
My name is Erik and I'm a student from Germany.
I recently came across copywriting and decided to give it a shot.
This is my first attempt at copywriting a promotional Email for a protein powder company.

They are not my client or anything, I just needed a product to write about.

Please feel free to critique my copy and give feedback on what is good and bad.
Already thanks in advance!

The copy is attached in the Pdf bellow.

[SARubin]

Hi Erik, and welcome to the copywriters forum.

I just took a look at your copy and it looks OK.

It's friendly enough, it talks a little about your struggle (to show empathy with the reader), and it moves towards a solution. So that's all good.

If I had one critique...

...It's actually more of an observation...

I would emphasize the importance of protein in our daily diet a little more.

I'm assuming your talking to people who already know it's important and what it does for our bodies?

But if there's any question about your readers level of awareness, you might want to throw in a reminder (just a sentence or two) about the benefits of protein in our diets, and how a lack of protein has negative side effects for our overall health.


Also, I just looked at the Foodspring whey protein page. And the top reviews mostly talk about how great it tastes.

So that tells me "taste" is a motivator for many people choosing Foodspring over the competition.

I recommend emphasizing that point a little stronger in any copy you write for this product. I see you mentioned taste near the end of your copy, and that's good, but if it's a strong buying motivator for customers - it should be a stronger selling point in your copy.

Anyway, that's just my first observation.
Hope it helps.

All the best,
Steve

[Erik]

Thank you very much for taking the time to go over my copy! I really appreciate it!

[Franklin]

It's good for your first try. Keep practicing and you'll get better.
Remember that email marketing is not a one-and-done proposition, it's about building trust and it takes multiple emails before people feel like they know you enough to trust you.

-F