Review this copy pls

[Mubarak mahruf]

This is an email copy in the weight loss niche and it's targeting those looking to lose weight.

Subject: Why Traditional Diets Fail..?

Hey [first name], Have you Ever wondered why traditional diets with strict rules often lead to weight loss failure?

Well, it's not about being deprived or staying at the gym for infinite hours.

So, Consider this "A lot of successful Weight Loss journeys are not backed by extreme methods, but it was based on understanding how bodies respond to different approaches"
,
In fact, Having the conventional mindset of strict diets and intense workouts often leads to burnout and frustration which will make it difficult for your body to maintain long-term success.

That's why a shift in perspective is very important.

Instead of focusing on drastic measures, my advice is for you to shift to embracing a holistic understanding of your body's unique needs and responses.

However, Successful weight management involves a personalized approach that considers factors like metabolism, lifestyle, and even psychological well-being.

That's why I have distilled these tips into an actionable guide which I called "The holistic weight success" This will enable you to understand your body's cues and unlock a sustainable path to lasting wellness.

Wanna redefine your weight loss journey with this guide? Reply to this email and I will send it over.

[jamulim]

Hi there! Here are my suggestions to improve the email copy along with my feedback:

Subject Line:
The current subject line "Why Traditional Diets Fail.." comes across overly negative. I'd recommend changing to "A New Approach to Lasting Weight Loss" - keeping it positive.

Intro Paragraph:
Good job connecting emotionally - identifying their dieting frustrations. I'd make a few tweaks:

- Shorten first sentence for punch and clarity
- Explain why diets fail (deprivation backfires long-term)
- Transition quicker into presenting your holistic solution

Overall Tone:
The copy has an authoritative, almost lecture-like tone in places. Using more inclusive, simple, casual language could connect better. For instance "having the mindset often leads to..." vs "a lot of successful weight loss journeys are not extreme methods but it was based on understanding how bodies respond to different approaches". Significant room to improve clarity.

Call to Action:
End with a clear CTA - offer to send your guide, program or system and state benefits quickly. Perhaps offer a free chapter or assessment to get them started.

Overall the intent is good but needs work to grow impact and nuance. Let me know if you have any other questions!

[Mubarak mahruf]

Thanks for the review.

I will take note of those points you mentioned thanks so much.

[SARubin]

This is an email copy in the weight loss niche and it's targeting those looking to lose weight.

jamulim gave you some good copy pointers.

I'm going to add one more piece of the puzzle for you...

We want to tighten up your market focus a bit.
Because "those looking to lose weight" is a bit too vague.

Why are they looking to lose weight? This is a good question to ask.
For example, a 20 year old who wants to lose a few pounds to look good at the beach, has different motivation from a 65 year old who needs to lose 30 pounds for health reasons, like to avoid diabetes or a heart attack or something.

So if we can narrow down our market demographic, we can include emotional language that resonates specifically with them. And that usually helps with conversions...

[Mubarak mahruf]

Thanks so much for this . I really appreciate